the Memory Bank

I can’t control these lustful feelings. I’ve tried to lie to myself and pretend they aren’t there but last night I got drunk and defensive. All day yesterday you were harassing me because I admitted to having sex dreams about your brother and best friend. You said that if I wasn’t honest you would be even more angry. You asked me out of the blue so I thought you had read my tumblr, so I couldn’t risk lying. I feel defeated and betrayed. You told me you wouldn’t get mad. And I can’t help the dreams that I have. I can’t help these feelings. I won’t act on them, though I fantasize about it. I couldn’t do something so hurtful to you. But you were threatening me yesterday. You said that he’s YOUR friend and if you have to do something extreme you will. You said you were going to tell my friend that I had a sex dream about her boyfriend. Like that would do anything. You’ve been obsessing and you were downright cruel to me. You smashed my beer and it was all over me. You were talking about beating me up but we all knew you wouldn’t. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I almost want to go upstairs and kiss your friend just to finally get something out of all these accusations. Just to make one of them true. To have one to hold onto for a rainy day. But it’s not worth ruining my wonderful friendship with his girlfriend. I feel like things between you and I, however, are already ruined. Maybe I just have to wait for something better. I can wait forever. Or maybe I can’t. Yesterday I briefly fantasized about killing myself for the first time in years.

(Source: veryblack)

What a fucking disaster.

(Source: andrewbreitel)

milktree:

Regine Ramseier, a German artist, had the great idea to created a ‘Dandelion Ceiling.’ 2000 dandelion flowers were treated and sprayed with a gentle adhesive to fix them. The dandelions were then transported by car to a little white room where they were hung.

If I had been lyin’ things would be dandy. But I fucked up again with this whole truth telling business. You asked if I had ever thought about having sex with your brother or your best friend. I said I had dreamed about them because I assumed you read my diary.This diary. I felt as if you violated my private mind. My dirty secrets. You are the “you” in so many posts and I thought you knew… It was terrifying. T

unacceptedbysociety:

soft grunge blog

Yesterday I had two horrifying thoughts before I went to sleep. The first being that your dad is precisely the type of man that I’m attracted to. And the second being that maybe the fact that I think about other people sometimes when we make love is like a ritual that keeps me from having sex dreams about other people. But it’s worse the way I’m doing it, isn’t it?

(Source: overdosage)

losinghead:

Barbara Palvin on We Heart It. http://weheartit.com/entry/28394502

You continue to occupy my thoughts. Even the dirty ones.

Things were good for a bit there but I think they might be getting bad again.

Fuck you for wasting my time. I should have been sleeping for the last hour but instead I drove to the opposite side of the city to pick up your drunk ass from that irresponsible scumbag’s apartment. You neglected to tell me the apartment number so I knocked on doors of strangers to no avail.You wouldn’t answer your phone and neither would the scumbag that threatened to burn down our house with our entire family inside. Why would you ever want to make amends with such a dick hole? I got so angry I screamed half the drive home at the top of my lungs. I had homicidal thoughts for the first time in years. I pray that you will be home on time to watch our daughter when I leave for work. If you aren’t I’m leaving you. This is inexcusable.

vestalis:

(by Emir Ozsahin)

My secret affinity is becoming terribly public. I was already so terrified to talk to you and now I have to watch my step more than ever. This has become too complicated. Why did you have to tell the man that I’m engaged to marry that you have the hots for me, that you wish your girlfriend was more like me… What is wrong with you? Right when I was beginning to think I could forget about wanting you. I thought you were trying to convince me to stay with my fiancé and not professing your love when we spoke by the bonfire. You had me questioning if we really did have anything in common or if it was really worth chasing pipe dreams… Why would you ruin something so poetic?

So my worst wants came true. I became friends with your girlfriend so it would be too immoral for me to want to be with you. And now I hear you want me too. I know patience is key here. But I don’t have a lot of time. You are going to boot camp in a month. And I can barely talk to you unless I have some beer in me. I’m so ashamed of my feelings for you.

(Source: uglys0ul)

vestalis:

(by Kimberley Tell)

Whenever I masturbate to you I find that you’re considerate but adventurous. I wonder…

I asked you to pack your things and leave. I’m a bit confused. But I think it was the right thing for now. You have been bad for me for a while and I haven’t felt that I was in love with you for a long time. It seemed selfish to wait for mothers day and my birthday. You said you didn’t want to come to my birthday anyways. Lately you have felt quite strongly that I’ve been ungrateful to you. And while I don’t entirely disagree, you crossed the line when you said that I’m a bad mom for volunteering every week. That I don’t spend enough time with my daughter because I have a job. It was not ok for you to say that I’m not allowed to walk to the grocery store with my friends and then explain to me why they aren’t my friends at all. It was too much and now I have no reliable babysitter and a full time job and a fever. What the fuck am I going to do?

(Source: ibechristen)

I underestimated how weird it I would be for you to come back into town. Our entire group dynamic has changed.

(Source: acceptable)

i-n-w-e-e-d:

+Grunge.

Dinner will be late. Your mother fainted.

I really honestly don’t think it’s disgusting that I pick my own scabs and eat them. I understand that it’s culturally unacceptable. But I don’t think it’s bad. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. It’s just something I do subconsciously. I don’t create scabs for me to pick and eat. I don’t scratch myself or bite my nails until I bleed. I just eat the scabs that happen to be there. I don’t do it because of stress or anxiety. I have stress and anxiety, but that isn’t why I eat my scabs. I’ve done it since I was a little girl. I had no idea it would disgust you so much when I told you that you would ask me to go to therapy.

(Source: moebeh)